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Reframing Regrets

One night while my husband and I were still dating, we were doing that annoying thing where you ask each other all these getting to know you questions. Me being the analytical person that I am, I found this list of 100 questions that you should ask you partner, and we just partnered off down the list answering questions and learning about each others quirks and tendencies.

 

I love to talk and am really nosey, so these are the types of things that I can do for hours. However when one question came up, I was stumped.

“What is your biggest regret?” he asked.

I started to answer but then I paused. I’m pretty sure I was about to mention my ex boyfriend, but then I thought – well if he wouldn’t have been an ex then I would have never met this. Then I think the next thing was not passing the MCAT initially, but I grew so much personally and spiritually through that process, that too wasn’t so bad. Literally every single thing I thought of, had manifested later as a blessing. So finally I answered, “You know honestly, I don’t have any.”

He answered, “Seriously?” I thought back for a second, and answered, “Nope. I just thought about 5 different things that I was really mad about and almost immediately the bright side of all the situations came about. There really isn’t one thing that I can say that I truly regret, 

because they all put me in a situation for better.”

He was silent for a while – I don’t remember exactly what he said, but it was probably along the lines of ,”That’s dope!”

Since this conversation, I have very happily thought of regrets as a waste of time. It’s not always an immediate happy feeling, but after awhile it definitely gets easier. Even though there are plenty of unfavorable things that have happened in my life since this conversation, the same sentiment reigns true. The that things that I was devastated over, shed tears over, stayed up all night trying to figure out how it was going to happen never stayed around too long. There was always a ram in the bush, I just had to wait on God’s perfect timing.

So, my message to you is this. There are definitely going to be things in your life that go right, and things that will go horribly wrong. Sometimes they will just continue to go wrong and you’ll start to worry if what you’re chasing after is really what God has planned. But rest in just that –

The plan is prepared, your responsibility is to live it out.

I know it’s easier said when in the thick of things, but trust me – it’s tried and true.

Dr. Shari Calicker is a board certified Family Medicine physician in Jacksonville, FL. She curates a blog, Doctor|Mrs, which is a community based around conversations of health, relationships and navigating professional life. She is married to her wonderful husband Donovan, and is the fur mom of one lovable dog, Marley.

5 Responses to “Reframing Regrets

  • Thanks for sharing your perspective, Dr. Calicker! I am a former pediatric hospitalist who worked with many medical students who struggled to get into medical school and became phenomenal physicians. I’m a firm believer that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I love your “no regrets” philosophy.

    • Dr. Rochester, thank you for sharing about your students! Timing is everything, and we never know who is waiting on our gifts to bless them. What may seem like a delay to us, can be an answered prayer to our future patients and their families. Thank you for helping us grasp this perspective!!

    • Thank you so much Nicole! I am so happy that you have seen this live out not only in your own life, but in the lives of others. Keep inspiring those students to live to their greatest potential!

  • I love this concept! I recently have taken on the idea that the only regret I should ever have is to only half do something. I want to be the type of person who goes all in and lays everything on the line for every endeavor. I will add this thought, knowing that any situation that doesn’t work out the way I thought is preparing for the better that lays ahead.
    #yesqueenyes

    • Isn’t Dr. Shari’s insight spot on?! I find that I have to keep reminding myself, “God already knew you would mess up here. So learn the lesson, and let’s keep moving forward.” It’s tougher in some situations than others, but I like being able to look back at my growth in between.

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