I’m Struggling Today…But Not Ashamed

Today, I knew I had a long shift. I’m scheduled to work the pharmacy at Walgreens from 11:30 am-8:30 pm, which is practically all day.  I am getting use to the idea of making my meals and snacks for the day. So after a breakfast of oatmeal with strawberries and banana, I packed some healthy snacks to get me through my work day.

Quick snacks for the day

  • Cherry tomatoes
  • Celery and peanut butter
  • Small Ziploc bag of trail mix with dried fruit

I still had some time, so I whipped up lunch for the week. It only took me about 20 minutes.

Hot meal for the week

  • Microwaveable sweet potato
  • 1 Bag of frozen vegetable stir fry
  • 1 Bag of brussel sprouts (from the produce section)
  • 1 Bag of carrots in (also from the produce section)
  • 1/2 yellow onion ( chopped)
  • 2 Bags of frozen Italian blend  (cauliflower, zucchini, lima beams, Italian green beans)
  • 1 Tablespoon of olive oil
  • 1 cube of Better Than Bouillon (vegetable base)

I cooked everything on the stove in a non stick pan. I left the lid on for a little bit, watching to make sure the veggies were crispy, not soggy. Then I grabbed some water (2 liters) and headed out!

Temptation on the first shift

Of course, I’m prepared for the day. And I’m feeling pretty good. I get to work, and the first thing I see is a case of Costco cookies from a customer that wanted to wish our team, “Happy New Year!” (Oh my goodness).

My team started to taunt me, because they know that I started to be strict with my diet. They also know that only  3 of us like the raisin and Macadamia nut cookies, and I’m one of them. “Hey, Shelitta, we saved you some of your favorite cookies.” If anyone doesn’t know, this is the 50-count cookies from Costco, and these cookies are fresh and nice-sized. Knowing I wasn’t hungry, this temptation was difficult.  My eyes wanted it, my heart wanted it,  but my mind was telling me otherwise.

I moved the cookies to the far back end of the pharmacy, so they wouldn’t be in my line of sight. Yet, I would glance at them, and them at me, especially when I would check the stock for certain medications. Funny thing, 2 hours into to my shift, my hands started to sweat. I no longer desired my snacks I brought, and didn’t even want my water.

Those cookies were calling my name.

The next shift was a struggle

The next shift begun and I had a moment to change stations, I walked by the cookies and washed my hands. I got a napkin, grabbed a Macadamia nut cookie, wrapped it up, and put it in my pocket. Of course, now I have it with me. I can smell it and taste it already in my mind. Finally, no customers…so I took the cookie out of my pocket, broke off a piece, then another and another. Before I even knew it, the cookie was gone. Then the line started to build. I felt like that was my testing point and I failed. I went back to my water and snacks. I even had a lunch/dinner around 5:15-5:45 pm. I felt good that at least my meal tasted delicious.

I was done with my first liter of water and 1/3 of the second one. I was good for the rest of the night, until it was 5 minutes before clocking out. I was busy cleaning up my area and filing away things. Then I looked at the schedule to see what time I would be working the following day, and there were those darn cookies looking right at me.

I decided to wrap up three to take them home to my husband. I said to myself, “Since I ate one cookie, I will go to the gym and work it off.”

I got home, told my husband about customer who tempted me with the Costco cookie, and I gave the three I had packed up. He was excited, but of course, he always shares. Out of habit, I sat right next to him and partook in another cookie! After finishing, I told him, “Since the gym is right up the street, let’s walk to the gym, workout, and walk back.” He then asked why we were walking and not driving. I quickly reminded him, “I am trying to change my diet to eat healthier and this was my second cookie of the day. TIME TO GO!”

Getting back on track

After we completed our walk and workout, I felt better about myself. If I wasn’t disciplined to work off those additional calories now, then I would have certainly paid for it later. I finished my water and a little extra. I’m thankful that today I had time to work of the additional calorie intake. Yet, everyday I can’t always can’t always do that, especially with an unpredictable retail schedule.

No one is perfect, nor is everyday perfect. But I tried my best, and I tried to correct a mistake I made that wasn’t my intention once my day begun. We all make mistakes. We all have cheated on our diet. The scale is the one laughing at you no one else. Your clothes fit tighter and tighter because of what you decided to do and not do. To get back on track, just think about your end results and your goals.

Daily journals (such as this one) are definitely helping me reflect back on my day. They help me see where I went wrong and hone in on the many temptations that are around us.

Since I work at Walgreens, which is a little grocery store within itself, it’s easy to gravitate towards the cheap, quick things. That doesn’t mean it’s good for me or right for me. I face this battle this everyday I walk into work. So what has helped me in this area is to be aware of my weaknesses.

My weaknesses…

Life Savers gummies
BBQ chips
White wheddar popcorn
Mountain Dew
Naked Smoothies (which is high in sugar)
Beef Jerky
Ice cream

Now that I know, and I am honest with myself, I can do something about it. I can celebrate my progress, and correct my setback. Everyday I struggle, and everyday I don’t necessarily get it right. But when I don’t, I am not ashamed. Instead, I am just more motivated to get back in the saddle and give it another try.

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